


Sunrise

by cleopatra1111



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 14:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleopatra1111/pseuds/cleopatra1111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa stared out as the sun peaked its pink rays over the sparkling sea. His cheeks are still wet with his tears, but all is forgiven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ok, so I began writing this as a thing for a friend, and so decided to post it on here because why not. Please ignore if it get's shitty towards the end. Shitty all the way through actually. In fact, just ignore everything I say.

_Nagisa feels cold._

Nagisa shivered in the cold wind as he dawdled behind his friends. Makoto, Haruka and Rin were ambling along in front of him at a snail’s pace, chattering, and frankly, Nagisa was getting irritated. They had all decided to go to a festival, like the one they went to in high school, and since Rin had finally integrated himself into their group, it was going to be far less dramatic than before.

Nagisa really was cold. He noticed a blue scarf in Makoto’s bag and quietly took it, wrapping it absentmindedly around his neck. The fabric tickled his soft skin and he welcomed the warmth. It wasn’t the same warmth though. He tried to remember what he was thinking about, but he couldn’t quite remember.

Both Rin and Makoto in front of him was trying to grab the attention of Haruka, but he seemed to be disinterested, watching the sea to their right instead. Nagisa now also turned to gaze at the vast, dark expanse of shimmering water.

 _What was he doing here?_ _Why wasn’t he with Rei instead?_ He wondered, but he knew deep inside that Rei must be having fun wherever he was, so he shouldn’t be so upset.

Instead, he glued a large grin onto his face, and bounced up into the arms of his friends.

“We’re going to have fun tonight, right Haru-chan? Mako-chan? Rin-chan?” and he let out a giggle of excitement.

“Sure, ya little penguin boy,” Rin laughed in that weird sharp way of his. His accent sure was strange. And he had picked up so many weird expressions in Australia!

“Come on Haru, hurry up! We have to get to the stalls, before there’s only bodgy shit left.” Rin shouted gleefully before grabbing Makoto’s and Haruka’s wrists and dragging them along.

Nagisa thought he heard Haru whisper _‘I don’t even know what that means’_ , as they ran off.

But Nagisa remained where he was. His feet couldn’t move.

_Your friends will leave you._

No.

_Your friends have already left you._

No they haven’t!

_Your friends will go just like Rei._

Don’t say that, he’ll be back soon.

_They left you like Rei left you._

Don’t …

_They wanted to leave you. Rei **wanted** to leave you._

Nagisa didn’t know who was talking to him, but that didn’t seem important.

Nagisa feels empty.

Instead he turns and walks away.

…. _He doesn’t remember how to do this maths problem._ Rei would have known. Nagisa wished that Rei had never gone off to university in Tokyo. Then everything would have been better. Easier.

Instead, he decided to take a break from his stupid maths and watch some crappy romantic comedies.

He remembers how he used to make Rei watch them with him. Actually, after the first time, it was _Rei_ that demanded his company to the cinema more often than not.

“It’s just… the romantic plot is so intricate, and so complex, and yet works out so… _beautifully_ ,” He would say, eyes sparkling.

Nagisa just smirked and played innocent. “Oh Rei… could it be that you’re looking for some romance like that in your own life? He asked, and watched as Rei sputtered for a response.

As Nagisa sat in his room and watched the two main characters finally kiss, he decided that life was not like a romantic comedy at all.

After all, his first kiss was not as clumsily adorable as he would have hoped either.

\- “Wow that homework was hard! I’m so glad it’s done though!” Nagisa flopped back onto Rei’s bed. He let out a deep sigh, and gazed out of the window. The sun was setting, glazing the sky a deep, and rich purple colour. Somehow, it put him on edge.

In fact, something had been bothering him recently, but it wasn’t exactly like he could tell Rei about it, of all people.

“Hey Nagisa, are you ok? You’re not ill are you?” Rei asked. “I mean, I know the regionals are soon, but you need not worry about me! I’ve been training every day as hard as I possibly can!” He proclaimed proudly.

Nagisa turned to look at him. Rei had such a determined expression on his face that Nagisa couldn’t help but to choke out a small laugh.

_Oh Rei, you’re so oblivious…_

“No really Nagisa, you haven’t even seen my new and improved arm-manoeuvring technique!” He continued.

_I wonder what people would think if we actually did get together…What do you think Mako-chan and Haru-chan would say?_

“And I’ve been conditioning my triceps more often since I never really used them during track…”

_Hmmmm, what would our life be like together… would you ever want to adopt a child with me, Rei-chan? They would be so cute! A little girl or boy just for us, Rei! Our own little happy family!_

“… Well? Nagisa, you haven’t said anything in a while. What is it that you’re worried about?” He snapped out of his daydream, widening his eyes.

‘I shouldn’t be thinking those kinds of thoughts!’ he quickly muttered under his breath, cheeks immediately reddening madly.

“Nagisa, could it be that you are the embarrassed one, this time?”

Suddenly, and all at once, Nagisa was very aware of Rei, and the way the light hit his hair, softly falling over his face. It wasn’t as stern as he used to think, before they knew each other. His eyes, electric purple, were tingling with a warmth of sorts, that seemed to send jolts running through his veins.

How was he supposed to deal with this? “No, I just- I, um, I must have eaten some bad fish, or something. I’m- I’m not feeling. Very good…” he managed to say before leaping out of the bed and collecting his things.

“Wait! Nagisa-“ Rei attempted to stop him, but stood up just as Nagisa turned around and they collided with each other, books flying everywhere. Rei fell back onto the bed with an ‘oof’, and Nagisa started to panic even more.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He said, collecting his books as fast as he could, yet again, “I’m so, so sorry Rei-“ but before he could finish, Rei was back on his feet, and with another determined look upon him, but this time, softer.

He grabbed the pile of books in Nagisa’s hands, and put them firmly back on the table.

“You will sit back down, Nagisa, and you will tell me what’s the matter.”

And Nagisa didn’t know what to do. Here was Rei standing in front of him, the boy that he had admired, looked up to, gave him inspiration and happiness, gave him all of these things and didn’t even know it. Here was the boy whose mere face could send tingles running down his spine, and who’s sweet smile’s could warm his heart on his worst days. Here was the boy, running him into a corner, and he had nothing left to do, but to stop thinking.

So he did.

He thrust his head forward with such a force that their lips touched only for a second before their foreheads collided with a knock and Rei fell backwards, utterly shocked.

_Oh no, what have I done?!_

Without a second’s hesitation, Nagisa fled the room as fast as he could. He ran out of the house, and didn’t stop running until he had reached his own little apartment, up the stairs and into his room.

He didn’t even turn on the lights, he just flung himself into the bed and bundled himself up in as many layers of blanket as he could. He was still cold, and he couldn’t bring himself to get up and close the window. He guessed he deserved it, for that huge display of stupidity just then.

“Nagisa honey?” He started. His mother had silently slipped into his room and he hadn’t noticed. “Did you have something to eat at your friend’s house? Do you want me to bring you up some dinner?”

“No mum… leave me alone, ok?” He said, as loudly as his misery allowed, and after hearing her fading footsteps, Nagisa tried to go back to sulking. But after having this contact with another human again, he suddenly felt disconnected from this terrible feeling, and his mind slowly emptied.

‘Is this what non-existence felt like?’ He wondered. Nagisa was cold and empty and there was nothing he could do about it but to lie in bed, very aware of his tear stained pillow, and his mother silently creeping about the house.

At some point in the night, she entered the room again, and Nagisa wasn’t bothered anymore to sit up and shoo her away. He heard her slowly coming towards his bed, and something about her presence in the room simply drained his last energies like a plug being pulled out of an empty bathtub. “Please go away…” He whimpered, and he realized that his voice had still not returned properly.

“Nagisa”

_No_

That voice. It was not his mothers.

Nagisa suddenly sat up completely straight and the eyes he was met with were not the soft brown ones of his mother, but the exhilaratingly violet ones that had plagued his mind since the day they had met.

“You left your homework”. He was standing not 5 cm away from the bed, with an unreadable expression on his face. He dropped the books.

“You never finished”, he continued, and his voice seemed to resonate within Nagisa’s mind, and despite his utter humiliation, despite the huge gaping hole in his chest, he couldn’t break away from his gaze.

“I’m sorry…. I’ll finish my… my homework, I’ll do it tomo-“

“That’s not what I was talking about,” Rei responded abruptly and reached down, grazing his palm against Nagisa’s cheek. At the touch, his heart raced and suddenly he felt more awake than ever. Rei didn’t look so unreadable anymore, there was a spark in his eyes and a warmth to his touch, and he leaned forward and softly kissed Nagisa.

Now Nagisa’s heart swelled. It was like he was backed into a corner again, but this time he knew what to do. Leaning into the kiss, he wrapped his arms around Rei’s shoulders and pulled him onto the bed. When they finally broke off for air, Rei seemed lost for words. His confident demeanour had faded and now he just looked expectantly at Nagisa.

“What?” he said.

“Why did you leave?” said Rei, his usually determined voice with a softer, deeper undertone that sent electricity through Nagisa’s veins all at once again. “I didn’t expect it. You’re usually so…"

Now it was Nagisa’s turn to falter again. He had run away in cowardice. Pathetic, he thought. “So… what?” he asked, almost afraid to say anything lest Rei decided he wasn’t worth it.

“I’m not quite sure how to phrase it.” Rei finally determined. He seemed to deem that enough, and rested his head against Nagisa’s arm, and was soon snoring lightly, their legs entangled and hearts still beating fast.

“I left… because… I was scared.”

_Scared_

Nagisa was still scared.

He knew he was scared, but somehow, it had been alright with Rei by his side.

He remembered when he had just started high school, and discovered that Makoto and Haruka were both enrolled there too. Knowing that their main common interest was swimming, Nagisa diligently opted to talk about it as much as he could, just to re ignite that spark of friendship, which seemed to have faded over the summer.

Yet, there were always other things that Nagisa liked to do.

“Oh please Mako-chan, Haru-chan! It would mean so much to me if you guys came! It’s my first solo piece and I’ll be really nervous if you guys aren’t there,” he begged. In fact, it was Nagisa’s first concert over all, and he had been practicing the piano on top of getting to know his friends all over again, and he was terrified.

“Of course we’ll come,” Makoto replied, with kind eyes but not really much interest in them; only the polite and sweet nature that he brought to his usual speech. Haru didn’t even grace him with a response, even more indifferent than he usually was. Although Nagisa couldn’t disguise the hurt in his expression, Makoto and Haruka seemed engaged in their own worlds, and so he didn’t bother them further.

And in this way, life continued. They both attended his concert, but it was obvious that they didn’t gain any pleasure from doing so, and Nagisa started feeling more and more like he was a nuisance in their lives, just a small annoyance that they could never replace. On some days he liked to play the piano in the practice room, especially since it was the start of the year and no one was every around.

Never did he play with his notes however, but from the deepest corners of his thoughts, and the farthest reaches of his emotions. Sometimes he just sat down, and played gibberish. At other times, he created masterpieces.

No one ever came to the practice room, and that was why he liked it there. One day, however, someone did come into the practice room.

“You’re good,” a deep voice sliced through his music like knife through silky butter, and Nagisa’s fingers clanged against the keys in surprise. He looked around to see a blue haired figure leaning against the doorframe. He hadn’t even heard it open.

“Oh! You’re Ryugazaki Rei, right? You’re in my class!” Nagisa happily exclaimed. It truly was nice when someone voluntarily complimented one of course.

“Hazuki Nagisa.” He said curtly, just about making a response. They looked at each other in silence for a little before the tension became too awkward for Nagisa, and he smiled awkwardly. “Well? Did you want me to do something for you?” He whined.

Rei stood up straight, pushed up his glasses and replied, smirking, “I was waiting for you to continue playing. It’s obvious that you’re quite talented. The music was very beautiful.”

Nagisa couldn’t suppress the huge grin that thus enveloped his face, and he turned back to the piano with Rei watching. That was the first time they met. He had never played better than when Rei was with him.

_I haven’t played in a while_

The school’s gates gleamed in the moonlight. After fleeing the festival, Nagisa found himself staring his old daydreams right in the face. Rei wasn’t with him, but maybe just the thought of him could inspire him to string some measly notes together to make something worth listening to again. Sneaking into the school at night, especially now that he didn’t even go there anymore, was certainly something he had never done before tonight either, and it would have felt exciting, had he not been so preoccupied with his memories.

Slipping quietly into the old room reminded him only more of those years so long ago, when they didn’t have to worry about jobs or the future. He placed his fingers over the sleek black and white keyboard. They were dusty, but still held the same gleam and shine of emotion, that was always locked away inside such instruments.

Silently he willed his fingers to move, to make a sound, to do anything, but they seemed transfixed in a weird trance; waiting for something. Or someone maybe.

“Nagisa.”

That voice again. It couldn’t be… He turned, and there was Rei, standing by the door, as if he had been waiting for him since all those years ago.

“Rei-chan, you haven’t changed a bit,” Nagisa weakly smiled.

“Nagisa, come with me. I want to show you something,” said Rei, and without waiting for a response, silently walked away. Nagisa didn’t understand. What was Rei doing in the school of all places?

Rei had hated school. Behind his strong exterior, the one that prided himself on his high rank in the class, and his trophy collection on his bookshelf, there was a boy that despised that he would go to such lengths to be better than everyone. Rei hated that he made himself forgo socializing at all costs to get that one 100% on a test. Every morning, just a look around the classroom identified clusters of friends discussing anything that could be discussed, just because they had someone they could discuss it with, and every morning, Rei would look at them, with a conflicted battle raging within him.

Well, it was this way, until one day, he had accidentally stumbled upon a very well hidden music practice room. Nagisa had not stopped bothering him since. No longer were his mornings empty. And neither was his heart.

Of course, he had never actually told Nagisa, but the blonde was so overly perceptive of all his friends, that it never actually needed to be said for him to know. It was strange, but being around Nagisa always seemed to calm him. It didn’t really matter anyway, what happened, as long as he was doing what made him happy. Suddenly, nothing really mattered anymore and Rei finally felt that he had direction to his life. He wasn’t just going to get good grades and then eventually turn into some workaholic. He was going to enjoy life, and every single second of it. Nagisa had shown him that. At first, he didn’t understand at all what Haruka had meant when he said ‘a sight I’d never seen before’, but somehow, alongside his friends, he realized. He knew the way, because Nagisa knew the way.

But Nagisa _didn’t_ know the way. Especially not now as the two crept silently out of the school and through the town. The path Rei was taking seemed familiar, but Nagisa couldn’t quite remember where they were going. And Nagisa had never really known where they were going. In fact, he hadn’t even thought that he could be without direction until now, because he had been living life in such a blissful ignorance of the concept.

And now, Nagisa felt like he had nothing. Even though he was wide-awake, his knees were so weak that he thought he would collapse at any second. What frightened him most was that he didn’t understand anything.

For the past year, after Rei had left, he genuinely believed that his other friends would stop spending time with him, and providing him with their friendship entirely. He suddenly regretted not studying in high school, and not regretting anything at the same time. Was he even interested in anything? Would he ever find a job? A spouse? Nagisa had always wanted children, but it felt to him at that moment that he would never be able to a father. He was too cowardly and irresponsible and altogether unfit.

_Rei would have made a great father…_

He had nowhere to go.

The stairs they had been climbing had come to an abrupt halt and Nagisa no could no longer walk any further. He had nowhere to go, so he simply sat on the top step alongside Rei.

Rei suddenly began to talk, “I forgot how beautiful the sunrise was at Iwatobi. Can we watch it?”

Nagisa glanced at his watch, and the dim green numbers shone back at him 3:50; it was summer and the sun would be rising soon; it was a heart warming sight that only happened this far south in Japan, during the early mornings. It was surprising Rei had remembered after so long.

“Why did you leave, Rei?” Nagisa demanded. His voice came out louder than he expected, and he faltered, pushing his face to the side, staring at the ground.

“I left because I was scared”

 _Scared_.

“We are all scared”, he continued.

“Yeah well, you didn’t have to wait a year before telling me that,” Nagisa snapped back.

The corners of Rei’s lips twitched down in a slight frown. Nagisa had decided long ago that it didn’t suit him at all.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” Once again, he turned his head away. The sea was sparkling with the reflected lights of the stars. Even though he knew Korea was only a about 500 miles away, he still felt that it could go on forever.

“You know,” Rei said quietly, “You don’t need me to live your life.”

Nagisa could only fix his gaze on those electric eyes of of Rei’s, to make sure if he was being serious or not. He continued,

“You were the one who helped me get through high school, Nagisa. And you can do it –“

“No! No, I can’t do it now, or again, or ever! And why should I want to, anyway? The see doesn’t have direction, so why should I?”

“Why are you so angry Nagisa?”

“Because of you! Don’t you see? I didn’t help you at all. I just wanted to be friends with you. I just wanted to enjoy myself. So why can’t you be here to be friends with me? Why did you have to be so selfish?” Nagisa raised his hand, and he saw Rei visibly flinch, but the energy just drained out of him in a heartbeat, and he rested his hand on his cheek instead. He found it to be wet. Had he been crying?

Rei said nothing. Instead, he pulled the other boy into a hug, and Nagisa all but happily reciprocated, leaning into Rei’s shoulder reflexively.

“I’m sorry I was selfish. You’ll have to forgive me.”

“Rei, you don’t understand. I miss you so much.” But Rei was already gone.

Nagisa looked beside him, arms falling down, his fingers brushing the smooth marble headstone. He hadn't even come to the funeral, but it was ok. Rei had already forgiven him.

_Why did you leave Rei?_

“I forgive you too.”

A light shadow played about the bottom of the stone, and Nagisa turned to see the glowing pink rays peeking above the calm water. The sun broke the spell of night, and although he was numb with sleeplessness, Nagisa felt warm. The sunrise was truly beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NBaSF_8bG8


End file.
